I'm alive! Plus I made a few changes on my blog :)
Three months, it's been three months since my last post. It's not like anyone awaits my posts anyway haha! I went on a little adventure over the summer and instead of posting some rant or emotional shizz, I shall write about my adventure/s!
Last May, I went to Boracay with my friends. Nope, it wasn't during the LaBoracay weekend. It was during the week after that. We stayed there for two weeks and maaaaaaaaaaaan did we run out of things to do! Hahaha! But there were a couple of things that we didn't get tired of: sun, food, alcohol & dancing. Yes, dancing. We were dancing everywhere, all day, everyday. We can't help it! Hahaha
The Titi Crew!
These girls made the two week stay in Boracay seem like it was too short. Honestly, it was! I wish we could just sleep under the sun, eat, swim and dance. Hahaha Speaking of eating, here are some of the MUST TRY dishes and restaurants in Boracay!
Tuna and cheese omelette from Real Coffee
Jony's burger! Gotta love Jony's!
Pork belly from.. I forgot where D:
Seafood Tagine + Basmati rice from Kasbah
Croissant French Toast with Omelette from Gusto y Gustos
Smoked ham, tomato, lettuce, mozzarella, mayo, mustard from Gusto y Gustos
We stayed in Station 2, near La Carmela which meant we were a stone's throw away from Gusto y Gustos and Dos Mestizos! We instantly fell in love with both restaurants. For the second week of the trip, we had breakfast in Gusto y Gustos everyday. The bread was freshly baked - and good too! There's a variety of breakfast sets and sandwiches to choose from!
I can go on and on about my Boracay trip but I'll put an end to your torture and stop here. Haha! I think I need a rest from all the Boracay trips. That's the last time I'll be there this year. HAHA.
" You're one sad kid " she said. He stares at his laptop wishing to find an answer or maybe a cure to what he's feeling. " I.. I just find comfort in sadness " he replied without blinking nor looking back at her.
She sat still, looking at him wondering if he's alright. Don't be too sad okay?, she gave him this post it instead of telling him. She was scared to break the silence. She leaves the room and now, he's all alone staring at nothing.
He sat still, staring into space as his thoughts race through his mind. He couldn't get a hold of them and they just keep going and going. He couldn't move, afraid to lose his thoughts, almost forgotten memories of his past.
He had a dream, she was in it. In the dream, they were happy. They were what they used to be and it was all wonderful but then he woke up. She wasn't beside him, there was no post it on his lamp saying she went ahead. There was nothing but him.
He reached for a cigarette, aah, why am I going back to this? He didn't know why but smoking made him feel better. He sat still on his bed smoking himself to death.. there they were again, his thoughts. They ran through and lingered in his mind. It was as if they were teasing him.. but what do you do.
Malungkot ang simula ng pangalong kabanata ng kwento nila 1 at 2.
Sinimulang ni 1 ang sulat nya para kay 2.
..mahal kita 2 pero pakiramdam ko na kailangan nating maghiwalay ng saglit para mahanap ang mga sarili natin. Kung tayo talaga, magkakatagpo tayo muli at sa sandaling iyon, pangako kong 'di na kita iiwan magpakailan man.
Iyan ang ninais ni 1 na ilagay sa sulat para kay 2 ngulit sa halip na iyong ang isulat ng kanyang mga kamay na nanginginig dahil sa lungkot at takot, ito ang kanyang nalagay.
2, pasensya na. Kailangan ko mapagisa. Sorry.
Napikon sa 1.
"Putang ina, bakit di ko kayang sabihin 'yon kay 2?! Bakit hindi ko masulat na kahit ginagawa ko ito sa aming relasyon, mahal na mahal ko parin sya?! PUNYETA." Pinagalitan ni 1 ang sarili.
Nang pinadala ni 1 ang sulat kay 2, hindi na ito sumulat muli. Wala nang balita sa 1 kay 2 ngunit bakit ganun? Hindi nya matanggal ang isipan kay 2, lagi nya itong iniisip. Lagi nyang binabaliktanawan ang mga araw na magkasama sila.
Lagi nyang naiisip si 2 sa tuwing makakakita sya ng buong puso.
Kalahati nalang 1 ulit at hindi nya alam kung may isang kalahati na muling mamahal sa kanya at tatanggapin sya pati ang mga pagkakamali nya.
Taon taon ang lumipas bago nakalimutan ni 1 si 2 - sapilitan nya itong ginawa pero… makalipas ang maraming taon, di pa pala nya nakakalimutan si 2.
Lately I've been watching a lot of Coffee House, it's a cute drama. I used to download all the episodes in one go but for some reason, I opted to watch this one online. I guess I'm trying to save space? Hahaha!
I've been watching it on dramacrazy.net - I know there are a lot of online streaming sites out there but I like this one and mysoju.com the best of them all! :)
Anyway, while watching Coffee House, I saw this one detail that made a bit happy inside.
LOOK, BEER!
If I am not mistaken, those are San Miguel Beer Pale Pilsen bottles! Hahahah! I know it's weird that I'm getting all giddy and happy about this but.. I just do! :3
What's with the tea, you might ask? GOOD QUESTION!
Well, I've been drinking tea and avoiding cold drinks because I'm trying to lose weight, I know it's quite absurd but it works for me! :3
Facebook has this application or widget that shows a person's status or one of it on the same day, last year.
A status two years ago.
September 5, 2010
I remember this status in particular because I remember a promise made to me. It was agreed upon that on December 21, 2010, you were supposed to come to the Philippines and celebrate your birthday and the holidays with me. How can I forget? I looked forward to that day every minute of every day. I was so excited, I could be with you again.
Do you remember now? Remember, remember?
You didn't come. Do you remember why you didn't come? Because we had a "fight" I was too busy with school; having two production classes, I barely had time. Remember how you got jealous of the people I worked with and the professor that I had a crush on? Yeah, those were the reasons why you didn't come.
It doesn't add up, you know. How can those petty things be a huge burden for you not to come here? It really broke me, not having you over. It was definitely frustrating but what could I do? Buying a ticket to go where you are sounds easy but I would have never been allowed knowing that you would be there, my parents would never say yes to that idea.
Now?
We're not together anymore, we're barely friends.
I don't know if I still want that kind of set up - a long distance relationship. I don't know if I can keep waiting any longer for you. I don't know if I can keep holding on to those empty promises of you going here. One thing's for sure though, I still want you.
Ito ang pangalawang kabanata ng seryeng naumpisan ko, noon pa.
Muli kong babalikan sina 1 at 2 sa kanilang relasyon. Hindi alam ni 1 kung bakit nyang gustong tanungin si 2 noon kung naging masaya ba ito sa piling nya. Hindi nya alam kung bakit nya ito naisip pero hanggang ngayon, hindi parin nya ito natatanong kay 2.
Sa isang hindi mapaliwanag na pangyayari, pumunta si 2 sa isang malayong lugar. 1, bakit hindi mo ako samahan? Doon, masaya tayong dalawa, hindi tayo mahihirapan.
"Hihintayin nalang kita dito, 2. Pinapangako mo bang babalik ka?" Oo naman 1, mahal na mahal kita. Babalikan kita dito. Paalam
"Magingat ka, 2! Dito lang ako, naghihintay"
Nilisan ni 2 ang piling ni 1 at dalawang taon na ang nakalipas, hindi parin bumabalik si 2. Sa loob ng dalawang taon, nagsulatan ang magkasintahan, para kay 1, isa itong paalala na mahal nya si 2 at mahal din sya nito. Dalawang taon ng pagsusulat ngunit di nila nasilayan ang isa't isa.
Kung dati'y kinekwestyon na ni 1 ang nararamdaman nya apra kay 2, lalo itong lumalala nang mawala si 2 sa piling nya. Araw araw tinatanong nya ang sarili kung talaga bang maghihintay sya para bumalik si 2 sa kanya. Gaano ba sya kasigurado na babalikan sya ni 2 na hindi man lang nagbabago ang pagmamahal nito para sa kanya?
Sulat, mga sulat. Gaano ba katindi ang katotoohanan sa loob ng mga liham ni pinadala ni 2? Paano nga ba masasabi ni 1 na lahat ni sinulat ni 2 ay totoo at walang sinuman ang makakapagsabi na mali si 1. Mali na paniwalaan nya ang lahat ng liham ni 2. Mali na umaasa syang babalikan sya ni 2. Mali ang desisyon nyang maghintay, dapat sumama sya.
Matagal bago nasundan ang huling sulat ni 1 kay 2. Naghintay sya ng ilang linggo, ilang buwan, halos isang taon. Inisip nya na baka natraffic lang ang kanyang sulat para kay 2.
Sa wakas, dumating na rin ang sulat ni 2 para kay 1. Nang binasa nya ito, parang kahapon nya lang natangap ang sulat at parang hindi sya naghintay ng matagal. Naghintay si 1 bago nya sinumulan ang sulat para kay 2.
It's been a week, I think, since the last time I updated my blog. Well, everything's been so busy lately and I just haven't found the time to sit down and just type. Though I wanted to type things so bad, I couldn't. There were other important things that had to be done.
The countdown for the grand launch of my business - Sobriety, has started. EIGHT DAYS. EIGHT MORE DAYS. I feel the pressure, I feel the stress, I feel the everything that there is to feel. It's really messing with my head right now. All this stress from school, business, family, etc. it's driving me crazy.
Everything just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. I just want to say STOP. I need time to think everything through, I need time for myself too. Everything is becoming so frustrating, so disappointing. Within the seven days that I was not able to write anything, a lot has happened. I cannot believe how disappointed I am at some people.
If there is one thing that I hate so much, it's messed up priorities. I understand all the extra curricular things going - you can say all you want about how I don't understand because I'm not part of it and shit but I do. I know what its like to be part of something and feel that acceptance you've been wanting for so long, finally you have it and you don't care about anything anymore. This is what you want, you have, you'll do everything to keep it. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. I did that before and a lot of things suffered without me knowing it. I don't want the same thing happening to you and aside from that, PEOPLE ARE BEING FUCKING AFFECTED BY YOUR MESSED UP PRIORITIES. See, you're alive and by being alive, you need to fucking cooperate.
You mess with me, I kill you.
I'm not trying to make myself look good here because I've been doing a lot of wrong shit and my god, qwertyiolkjhgdsvbnmwertyu. Every time I do something wrong, my world crumbles. It's true, I make it a big deal. Everything is such a big deal for me. I guess I'm trying to brush off the feeling of emptiness, loneliness and pain.
It's just been hell basically and I guarantee myself that it won't get any better. Why bother, right?
Today, i was reunited with a friend whom I haven't seen for most of the Christmas break. As much as I don't want to admit it, I missed her terribly. Since we lived somewhere over the rainbow, I offered her a ride home. While we were waiting for my car, she brought up the topic about Adam and Eve and all that jazz.
While we were talking about how the fruit was never specified anywhere - not to be blasphemous or anything, I suggested something that was triggered by the idea that her professor has given the class. Her professor said Adam ate the fruit and BOOM! I know, the statement is wrong but upon hearing this I immediately replied So, there was this man who was not accounted for standing between Adam and Eve. Then, Adam ate the banana *wink*
After that statement, we found ourselves laughing at our new story of creation. Oh how I love it.
I miss having weird conversations while we're commuting going home. I guess that's the benefit of living far far away from school, we get to bond with each other and talk about things that are totally out of this world.
I remember asking for the stress and the busy life I used to have in my previous post. Well, I think that it is starting. This term is off to a slow but steady start, slow and steady. It's alright, I like 'em slow and steady ;) HAHAHAHA
When I was a kid, I remember telling my older brother and my aunt that I wanted to be a flight attendant. Instead of them giving me support and cheering me on, they decided to laugh at me and tease my by saying "the plane can't fly 'cause you're too heavy." Funny, isn't it? well that stuck to my mind and I guess since then, I chose to be something else. As far as I remember, that was the first time I ever spoke about what I wanted to be in the future but then I stumbled upon this...
Rogue FTW!
I always knew that deep in my heart, I was meant to be part of the X-Men (next to becoming a mermaid and a marshmallow). See how I fit the photo perfectly? Hahaha. I just found it amusing that ever since I was a child, I was already awesome. Same level of awesomeness as Barney Stinson minus the sex. :) Good job child version of me, you never fail to put a smile on my face :3
Right now, I want to be so many things but there is only one of me - it's crazy! On the top of my list, I want to be a marshmallow, nope, it is not absurd.
Can you see it because I CAN! I can see myself being a marshmallow and yes, the world will definitely be a better place. There's something with becoming a marshmallow that's just so appealing, I've definitely got the shape and softness down already, now to make myself snow white :3
Second, I have always wanted to become a mermaid (sorry, no photo available for major reasons hahaha). There's something in the water that makes me feel comfortable and at home, I guess the feeling that I am weightless makes me love the water. Once I'm in a pool or the ocean, good luck with you convincing me to get out - unless my life is in danger. I love being in the water, listening to the waves crash, the river flow, etc. It's not entirely relaxing but it makes me feel calm and at home. I should have a mermaid photo shoot soon! ;)
Lastly, I just want to be happy. It sounds simple right? It is but sometimes, I can't help but ask myself: why, why is it so hard? Sometimes, I think I lose track of what's happening right in front of me. My mind likes going places, places that I shouldn't be in. You know that feeling when you're in a perfect moment but then your mind starts to wander off and then you lose it. You either get lost or you snap back into the perfect moment. I just want to be happy and that's something that I'll always be working on.
Now, it's time to watch that thesis, write that paper and jot down those notes. :)
Ang sarap pakinggan diba? Ito ang mga salitang matagal na nyang gustong marinig pero niminsa'y binaggit. Napangako ng marmaing beses pero ang bawat isa nito'y matagumpay na nabigo ng tadhana. Ito si 1, isang babae na mahilig umasa. Napapalibutan sya ng mga pusong nagmamahalan. Sa mundong ito, ang bawat nilalang ay kalahating puso lang, malalaman mo na in love ang isang nilalang kapag nabuo ang puso. Bawat lingon ni 1, puro puso. Punyeta, naisip nya. Bakit kasi wala, buti pa sila. O sige, kayo na, kayong kayo na. Kayo na ang mga puso. Oo, bitter sya kasi kalahati lang sya.
Natagalan bago nahanap ni 1 ang kanyang kapareha, literal na kapareha. Di nagtagal, naging puso ang dalawa. Masayang masaya si 1 na nahanap nya ang bubuo sa kanya, si 2. Si 2 ay isang kalahating puso na medyo mahirap mahagilap at madalas, kailangang intindihin. Okay lang, at least buo na ako. Puso na kami, yun ang importante. 'yan ang itinatak ni 1 sa kanyang isipan. Sige lang ng sige, go lang.
Hindi naman kawawa si 1 tulad ng iniisip nyo, normal ang pagsasama nila ni 2. Magkasama, buo at masaya pero totoo nga bang masaya sila? Sa tagal na nilang magkasama, kumportable na sila sa isa't isa. Wala nang kailangan magsalita, naiintindihan na nila. Hindi na kailangan pang ipagsigawan sa mundo dahil alam na nila, mahal nila ang isa't isa. Yun naman yung importante diba? Pagmamahal. Ano nga ba ang pagmamahal?
Isang araw, habang nakasandal si 1 kay 2: 2? 2? 2.
"bakit?"
Natahimik si 1, hindi nya alam kung pano sasabihing masaya ka ba sa akin? hindi nya alam kung paano magsasalita ng hindi nakakasakit ng tao - si 2 man o kanyang sarili. Natahimik sya kakaisip, nakalimutan na nya na tinawag nya ang atensyon ni 2.
"1, bakit?"
sabay yakap ng mahigpit. natunaw ang puso ni 1 sa yakap ni 2, matagal na nyang hinahanap hanap ang pakiramdam na ito. mahal kita 2.
Kailangan ba nya talaga sabihin 'yun? Importante ba na masabi nya kay 2 ang kanyang nararamdaman? Hindi alam ni 1 kung tama ba na nanahimik sya, hindi nya rin alam kung bakit hindi nya masabi ng diretso.
Wala rin, nasaktan lang sya. Ganito ba ang pagmamahal, lagi kang nasasaktan? tanong ni 1 sa sarili, hindi nya maintindihan, hindi nya mahagilap nag sagot.
This video makes me want to be a marshmallow when I grow up :3 I love the parts of the video wherein the marshmallow is seen, it's like cuteness overload :3 Ahihihihi <3 I shared this video with my friends and on of them said "Koreans make songs about everything, no?" Ahaha, that's true but they get away with it so it's totally fine with me. I was planning on editing a photo - putting my face on a marshmallow, what do you think? :> I think I'll look weird but hey, I get to be a super cute marshmallow! <3
Marshmallow! Marshmallow! Someday world, prepare yourself because I WILL BE A MARSHMALLOW! Just like how Sophie Kawalsky from Love Me If You Dare wants to be a cream puff when she grows up, I want to be a marshmallow.
I love that balcony, it brings back a lot of memories, stories and the feeling of the wind raping you, I love it. In Quezon City, there is no wind at all to rape you. There may be a few breezes that pass by but they don't pull your skirt or dress up like the one in the balcony. Ahehehe, I love windy days, rainy days and sunny days as long as I'm in the right place ;)
I never thought that I looked like this when reunited with my love, Jose Cuervo.
Taken during New Year's Eve
So that's me screaming HAPPY NUUUUUU YIIIIIIIIR while my dad pressed the button. Little did I know that he did not zoom out; thus, my wonderful face here. Aheee <3
It's 1:43am here and I can't sleep, I was browsing through my old entries from my old blogs, oh how life is so funny even back then. Each entry brings back a memory whether or not I want to remember it. I realized that most of my entries back then were about my friends, though until now, they still are. Why do I always talk about my friends? My relationship with them? Am I not satisfied? Am I being weird on this? Ah, I'll find out when I wake up, probably.
This photo reminds me so much of the wild things I have done. I can never do wild things when I'm alone, it'll just be plain sad. For some reason, being wild is fun with friends. They cheer on for all the wrong things you do on a night when all of you have been drinking, walking along the streets, dancing everywhere.
It made me realize though that with the friends I have now, we don't need alcohol. We're already wild on our own. We walk like we're in a musical, singing and dancing as we cross the street, run through the airport or just walk with each other. All the craziness we do, the random things we talk about, the weird things that come up in our conversations, they're all precious to me. At 1:49 in the morning, I am realizing this? WHY? I guess I miss being with my friends - high school friends, college friends, cousins and whatnots. Though I've been MIA-ing a lot from my high school friends, my college friends bring a different kind of high into the atmosphere. I miss being with them almost 24/7. Heee <3
Those are just some of the times that make me all giddy and kiddie inside. I miss hanging out with those people and that's not even all of them. Well, when school starts, new adventures await us. Time to unleash our inner wilderness because the night is young and so are we!♥
Sundays were never an event or anything special for my family - or so I thought. I guess my parents' new year's resolution is to keep the family close by eating together and spending the weekends together. I have nothing against that, I actually think it's great! Taking time to spend time with each other but then at home, we barely see each other. Not that our house is some kind of a palace or something but we'd opt to stay in our rooms and spend the day with our bed, phone or laptop. I guess they should try harder.
Moving on, we did what we always do on Sundays (whenever we get the time to do so), we went to mass then ate in some restaurant. I was having fun and all, we all laughed at Cafaye while eating and we also made fun of how slow the service was. See, each time a dish was served, we would all eat it but then the service is so slow that when the next dish comes, it's like we had nothing. Hahahaha We're such a monster family.
To end out day out with the family, my mom treated us Starbucks, yum! Everyone placed their orders and I got my non-fat, no whip, peppermint mocha, hot. I understood how it was taking longer than usual since there were only two baristas working with the drinks, we had to leave already but the drinks were not yet done so we waited for a couple more minutes. The moment our drinks were placed on the bar, we got our drinks then walked to the car - we were rushing because my dad's patience is surprisingly short.
I was so happy to end the day with my favorite drink from my favorite coffee shop but then when I took a sip, DISAPPOINTMENT. It was nowhere near my non-fat, no whip, peppermint mocha, hot! It was freaking MILK WITH ESPRESSO SHOTS where's the peppermint and mocha in that? OH. MY. GOD. This fucking ruined my day, I could not believe it. It could have been a mistake but OH MY GOD, ang tanga ng hayup na barista na yun for her not to notice that the drink was missing its key fucking ingredients! So there, that ruined my night. I'm planning to go back to the Starbucks in Shangri-la, ground floor and complain about the girl. Tell them how unhappy I was and how her mistake ruined my evening.
See, fate was on a roll, it didn't want to stop with ruining my drink, it went on and on. I thought I was about to snap but thank God I was able to at least pretend I was listening. So, you know how your parents sometimes talk about their dreams and ambitions with you? Yeah, I hate that. To me, they're empty promises that I know won't be happening. Ang sarap lang nya pakinggan, masaya maniwala pero masakit umasa. Alam mo yung naniniwala ka na, sinabi mo na sa mga kaibigan mo pero bigalang babawiin kasi hindi pala nila kaya itupad? Oo, naiintindihan ko sila pero sana siniguro muna nila na kaya nilang panindigan mga sinasabi nila bago nila ipangako. Masakit kasi, panira ng tiwala. Kanina, labas-pasok lang sa tenga ko mga pangarap nila para sa buong pamilya. Ayoko nang umasa na mangyayari yun, ayoko nang maniwala na kaya nila kasi dati na akong umasa sa mga pangarap nila. Hanggang ngayon, pangarap parin. So anong gagawin natin sa mga buhay natin? Mangangarap nalang ba tayo? Ako kasi, ayoko e, gusto ko yung nangyayari mga panagarap ko.
I hope the week won't be filled with these emotions alone, I want to be happy sometime this week.
Today was a quite a fun day, I watched Love Story (1970) and went to my uncle's birthday party in Romulo's but why do I feel so alone?
I somehow noticed how I've been so isolated but is it my fault? I try to stay in touch and reconnect but I guess time and distance do a lot of magic behind our backs. I always hear about nights out, dinners, bonding sessions, etc. involving high school friends. I take a look at myself and realize how I am left with none of them. Back in high school I used to have a lot people who got my back for me, no matter what but taking a good look at me now... no matter what, they're not there anymore. I remember how my friends and I would randomly watch movies but now, I barely send them messages.
I blame myself for being so isolated, then; true friends would find ways, MAKE WAYS to stay connected right? I can count with one hand friends of mine who go way back that do make ways.
Someone once told me that a lot of people care for me, I'm just too concentrated on one person. That's the problem, I'm too concentrated on one person, I tend to shun the others away. Is there something I'm looking for? Perhaps a hole in my hear waiting to be filled?
I know some of the reasons why I feel so alone but I don't know the others. For the reasons I do know of, what am I supposed to do? I want to laugh til my eyes tear up, I want to watch movies randomly again, I want to feel alive again.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm turning into something people never thought I could be - a loner.
I've been seeing that 30 day challenge a lot lately. It makes me really really curious what the point of the whole thing is :)) Is it some self reflection done if a form of letters/ pictures? :))
Anyway, I've been feeling so bloated lately I mean I feel like a BALL. :( Maybe the city life isn't for me.. I think I belong to the province wherein it's really chill and slow. I like chill and slow which reminds me of the other weekend when my family and some imported relatives went to Villa Escudero. It's a really nice place to go to once in a while, the life there is as CHILL AS IT GETS. There is no TV, WI-FI, RADIO, INTERNET SHOP, they DON'T EVEN SELL LOAD. See, see! That's THE LIFE for me! Hahaha I took some shots while we were there
This is where we had lunch - we had to take off our footwear since the water was up to one's ankles/knees :) Such a beautiful place :)
A closer view of the false with my cousin. He was trying to sit down, such an adorable child :)
I really do miss that place, I wish I could go back~
Being apart from your lover gives you time and a lot of reason to miss him :) Others would say that distance will make both of you grow apart but I would disagree.
It will be 10 months already tomorrow since the first time I said I love you too to him. Those 10 months were very long and challenging considering the fact that he is in another country, working. He says pay now, play later. I want to play now, pay now. But it can't go both ways... It has to be one or the other.
ANYWAY :x
Since he's away and it will be our monthsary tomorrow, he gave me a little surprise which I love oh so much :">
[line gets cut. Girl bangs her phone on the table. Boy calls again]
Girl: Hello?
Boy: nvoisaurfnaifcujamriunfn
Girl: Ha? Hello? Hello?
Boy: cnioejtrnapor
Girl: My phone's broken. I'm getting pissed what the fuck. I hate this phone, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
Boy: Let's not talk now.
Girl: Why?
Boy: You're getting pissed...
Girl: And I'm making you stressed... Fine.
Boy: Bye..
[line gets cut before Girl can even say "bye"]
I wrote an entry before about being far away from your significant other. Well, here's another one. My significant other used to be in the same time zone as me, I had no problem with that. Now, he's in New York...it's I don't know how many hours but I can calculate it in my head. Sorry, I'm bad at Math. Anyway, we had an unstated quarrel a while ago which left both of us bitter. I wanted to cry so bad. Run into his arms, hug him tight and say, "I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to stay close." but I couldn't. I was in school, he was in New York; about to sleep. After about and hour, his cousin texted me that he was rushed to the hospital. He was having on of those attacks he'd get from his heart. I was worried sick. It was my fault... as usual. I didn't know what to do.. I was so pissed for not being able to be there for him or at least watch over him. I was so pissed at myself. Why am I not beside him now? It's always needs over wants, right? I think that this time, my needs and wants are on the same level. I want to be there for him so bad but at the same time I need to stay here to finish studies.
Like what I said before, my words can only do so much and lately, it's not doing anything good. At all. I have been stressing him out.. I shouldn't be. Would it be too selfish for me to keep him close? Is it stupid to let him go because I don't want him to hurt anymore... I want him to live a nice happy life now and if I am the source of his stress... that is not good. At all.
Last Saturday, my cousin celebrated her debut wherein the theme was Project Runway. Sexxxxay :> I wanted to wear something really fashionable but due to some financial issues, I had to wear an old dress which I have worn several times. I wanted to cry so bad but I couldn't. It would be too selfish of me to want a new dress and throw a tantrum for not getting the dress I have been eying for the past two weeks. TELL ME, AM I BEING SELFISH FOR WANTING SOMETHING I KNOW I CAN'T HAVE?
Anyway, putting that aside, I had a grand time the other night :)The party was okay but then the drinks were not so okay. Wine and beer. The two things that I am not fond of drinking, those were the only drinks available that night. When the program has ended, my cousins and I crossed over to the other function room to check it out ;) There was thins drunk girl from over there, we saw her in the bathroom. So we thought the drinks might have been pretty wild for her to be throwing up like that :>
Like what I said, cheers to crashing, dancing and chilling with cousins. These are the times that I'd like to look back at and tell my children. Hahaha :) Times like these help ease all the pain from all the trouble I have had. Thank God :)
Freelancer. Food lover. Traveller.
I conceptualze, shoot and edit videos. I love to eat, try cooking and baking recipes, critiquing food and taking photos of them. Starting to get addicted to traveling.
Witness it all happen here.
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