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Three
It's been a week into this third trimester. This first week is the toughest i'll ever have, I guess.Nothing can beat being alone and knowing in your head that the friends you've made in college are still together. They stay close just like before. It's like a long weekend happened, a few people disappeared but it's okay because they still have each other to stay with.
I can't help but feel shitty for being separated from them. I've got no one to talk to anymore. WHY DO I NEED TO ADJUST AGAIN WHEN I'VE JUST FOUND MY PLACE? Nakakaburat talaga.
This first week of school is the worst ever but I can't take away the fact that I'm quite relieved for still having at least one person I know in the same class as I am. But these people... They're not the people I want to be with; then again, we don't get what we want.
I remember telling myself over the break that everything's gonna be fine, I'll be able to concentrate on my studies a whole lot more, etc, bullshit, fuckit. It's still not okay to me :| I bump into people from time to time but the feeling of security, warmth, acceptance, laughter and all those things are not there anymore. It's not the same people I was with back in my last two trimesters in this school. Those people were the ones who helped me survive college. They were the ones who made that fucked up place feel less fucked up. But these people are not with me anymore but hey, they're still with each other. What joy. I know, I'm jealous. I don't blame anyone but myself. Who's to blame anyway?
I thought that I will never be alone. If my friends were away, busy or just not there anymore, I always knew that there is someone who's willing to go with me everywhere. Lately though, even this person seems to be missing in action most of the time. I dunno, it's a whole different feeling and position being all alone now out there. It's just so.. ugly.
I never thought that I would end up like this in college. I need to turn this around, FAST.
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